Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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