dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
