It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
