she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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