I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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