She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
