tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm too high and old for this...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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