Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
