anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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