is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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