Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
