Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
