i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
