I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
