I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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