I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
