Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
