Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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