Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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