OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
