some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
