New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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