$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
