will power is for people who don't want to get laid
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
