he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
