i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
