No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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