As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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