Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
