i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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