Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You pole danced in your parka.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
