I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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