And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
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the night ended with taco bell and tears
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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