is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
