overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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