Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
