So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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