On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
