woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
