You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
