what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize