just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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