I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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