So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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