Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
