You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
