I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize