i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize