i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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