$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
