Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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