Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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