the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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