ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
