i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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