I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
