Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
