This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
