Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize